An open letter to my daughter on her birthday

Its hard to believe twelve months ago you were born. Its hard to believe because it seems like yesterday, yet at the same time it was forever ago. Your mom and I knew what day you were going to be born, but didn't share our secret with anyone. You were breached meaning you were sitting upright in moms belly instead of upside down. The only way to truly get you out safely was by cesarean section. We gladly took the safest option.

Last night 12 months ago your mom and I barely slept. We were too excited to see you, to find out if you were a boy or a girl, to make sure you were safe and healthy to even think about sleeping. Little did we know it would be the beginning of many sleepless nights for months to come.

The morning of your birth we went to the hospital early. On the way we called your grandparents to tell them we were having a baby. We checked mom in and headed to the room to prep for surgery. We were so excited but also nervous. I tried to stay as calm as possible for your mom. Meanwhile I was so afraid about her undergoing surgery. Worried something might go wrong. I knew if she saw me worry, she would be afraid. So I did my best to be as comforting and reassuring as possible.

Mom hates needles and getting IV's. It was dark in the room and the nurse was new. She kept missing moms vein. She was getting upset but finally they had success. I was so nervous I didn't know what to do. My mind racing your mom told me to turn on the tv and sit. I did. I have no idea what was on or what I said.
Then they came in to take mom into surgery. I had on my surgical mask and bonnet. I waited for the doctors to get mom situated, then I was called into the room. I brought a cd player and I played Enya, hoping it would relax you and your mother. At 8:26 am you were born. When they got you out of mom's belly....I was the one who announced your sex. It's a GIRL! I exclaimed.

The nurses and doctors immediately took you over to the warming table to clean you off and weigh you. They took your Apgar scores to evaluate your level of alertness and blood flow. I thought something was wrong because they were all around you. but they swaddled you and put you in my arms. I brought you over to mom so she could see you. She started crying because she was so happy to see you. Because your temperature was low they took you to the newborn unit to warm you up. I was so worried. I stayed with mom until they told me I could see you. When I went to see you you were getting a bath and crying. They wrapped you up and handed you over to me. You stopped crying. I brought you to your mom. She finally held you. After everyone left the room it was just you, me, and mom. I started crying. I was so happy you were OK and completely overwhelmed by the feeling of having you in my life. It the first time I have ever cried with happiness in my life. I was a dad and so proud of having you join our family.

A year ago you were born and you changed my life forever. I will do my best to be a good father to you. I tried to do my best this year and hopefully I did OK. Only time will tell. Its so easy to look back and see things I want to change but I cant. Looking back I wish I could do some of it over for you. I wish I didn't lose my patience when you were crying and I couldn't comfort you. I will never forget the Saturday night when you were 2 months old. Your mom and I had plans to go to dinner and you had a fever. You were crying and crying. I tried for an hour to get you to sleep just rocking you back and forth.It didn't work. You keep screaming. I wish I would have just enjoyed trying to sooth you instead of wanting to hand you over to mom. I'm sorry I got upset and yelled at your mother to come take you.


I am sorry I worked so much. I hope you understand that I had to in order to try and give you and your mom a good life. Understand that if I have to be away and not with you it is only because I am trying to provide for you. If I had to work four jobs to ensure you had everything you wanted I would. I will do my best to be there for every recital, every sporting event,and certainly every birthday. Know that there is not a moment of my day that goes by when I am not thinking of you and missing you.


Your mom wishes she didn't break her foot 4 months after you were born. She couldn't walk without crutches for weeks. She wanted so badly to just walk you around in your stroller all over the neighborhood. She wanted to take you places. She wanted to carry you around in her arms as much as she could. We did our best but we are sorry missed that time.

I wish I could keep you little forever. I know there will come a day that I have to ground you. Understand its only because I love you and because I am trying to teach you a lesson in life. Please don't tell me you hate me for it. I know you wont mean it but I think it would break my heart. I am going to do my best to protect you and guide you to make good choices. One day you will make your own decisions. I only hope you remember what I teach you and try to do the things that will make me proud.

It's been a year and I am grateful for every single day I have with you. With everything that has happened this year I have learned that life can change in an instant. We do our best to appreciate all of the moments with you. That is one of the reasons for this blog. We want to remember every detail, every phase of you as you grow up. I want you to know me as a person as well as a father. We want you to know us and know how much we love you and how much we appreciate you in our lives. You have transformed two people into loving parents and we thank you for that. We are looking forward to another year with you. Happy Birthday Charlotte. We love you.